So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
