Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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