Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
