official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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