And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
