i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize