My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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