I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
