Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Every concussion has its silver lining
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
