I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
