Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
you made out with another girl for some wings
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
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