I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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