found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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