I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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