I didn't shave. On purpose
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
