So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
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