Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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