somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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