of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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