I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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