is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
