Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
sex in a hospital.. check
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
