Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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