Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
