i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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