i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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