3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
you win again, gameday.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize