His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
