I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
