my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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