toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
