I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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