Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
