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Fuck
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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