I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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