i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
