new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
