My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
