Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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