Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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