pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
