Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
