I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
