First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize