i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
