Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
