tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize