Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
