You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
