make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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