I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
