True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Green mimosas i think yes
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
