WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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