Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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