I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
