She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
