I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
