i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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