so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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