I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I would ride that face into the sunset
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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