Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
