So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
