Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
you're hired as official boob wrangler
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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