I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
