That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
