you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Houston, we have a squirter
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
