He asked to "fluff my boner.."
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
