when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
