Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
he's gonorrhea incarnate
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
