I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
