The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
