Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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