so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
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