I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
