I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
