Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
