I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
