but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
