Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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