the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
