between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
