I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
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