Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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