hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
