your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
