Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
