don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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