summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
