just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
