she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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