I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Randomize
