I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
