I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
