Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
