i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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