i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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